Introduction
When we discuss emotional issues relating to our self-confidence or lack of it; the terms “self-esteem” and “self-worth” frequently emerge, often used interchangeably in these important discussions. This common misuse, while understandable, misses the profound distinctions between the two.
It is a significant oversight to treat self-esteem and self-worth as the same construct. Understanding the nuances that separate them is vital for self-discovery, personal development and ultimately building a healthy relationship with oneself.
It can be so harmful and ineffective when people say things like “think positively about yourself,” to boost your self-esteem without first identifying specific areas where self-esteem is lacking or understanding whether one struggles with their sense of worthiness which is a deeper issue often rooted in Trauma.
Self-esteem is dynamic and largely influenced by external factors such as performance and likeability by others. Therefore, building competency in these identified areas is essential for genuine improvement. Self-worth on the other hand is about internal factors such as how well we know and value ourselves and how well we feel connected and secure in who we are.
Definition of both concepts
With this in mind, my exploration aims to illuminate the differences and similarities between self-esteem and self-worth, providing guidance for those seeking to enhance both facets of their lives. Together, we will unravel these concepts, offering clarity and insight to foster an environment where personal self-discovery and growth can flourish. I therefore invite you on a journey to deepen your relationship with yourself and enhance your approach to self-understanding and self-improvement.
While self-worth and self-esteem might initially appear to overlap, a closer examination reveals a critical difference between the two. Self-worth is an internal self-evaluation rooted in stable, deep-rooted beliefs about our value as individuals. It’s the inner conviction that ‘I am inherently valuable’, ‘deserving of love’, ‘respect, and consideration’ regardless of what is happening inside and outside of me. A deficiency in self-worth often manifests as shame, a deep-seated feeling of being fundamentally flawed or unworthy at one’s core, irrespective of one’s actions or achievements.
On the flip side, self-esteem reflects how we assess our qualities and characteristics, which are significantly more variable and heavily influenced by external factors. These factors can include one’s physical appearance, accomplishments, capabilities, and perceived success. Self-esteem ebbs and flows with our perceptions of how these attributes stack up against societal standards and expectations, making it a more fluctuating measure of self-value. No one has a high self-esteem all of the time because of the nature of our ‘social brain’ and the changing parameters around the factors that dictate self-esteem.
Self-Worth or Self-Esteem: which do we develop first?
Self-worth typically develops before self-esteem, laying the foundational sense of value and security that each of us carries into our interactions with the world. This intrinsic sense of worth is shaped by early experiences, especially the quality of care and attachment we experience with our caregivers.
Consistent, loving interactions during childhood nurture a deep-seated belief in our inherent value, which is critical for healthy self-worth. As we grow, our self-esteem begins to form, influenced by how we perceive our achievements and how others react to them. This aspect of our self-perception is more susceptible to external factors, such as success in school or sports, and the feedback we receive from peers and adults.
While self-worth is foundational, children are often more consciously aware of their self-esteem. This awareness comes from direct and tangible feedback they receive about their performance and behaviours. For example, praise for good grades or winning a game boosts their self-esteem, making it more noticeable. In contrast, a child’s sense of self-worth is more subtle and deeply embedded, often not fully explored until later in life when deeper self-reflection occurs.
Recognising this distinction is important because it helps us understand why children might react strongly to successes and failures, even if they are secure in their overall sense of worth.
It’s essential to remember that no human is born feeling unworthy; we are all born deserving of love, respect, and belonging. Thus, the quality of having our needs adequately met during our formative years plays a pivotal role in keeping us rooted in our worth.
Can You Have Healthy Self-Worth and Still Experience Low Self-Esteem?
While it might seem contradictory, the answer is yes, due to the inherently different natures of self-worth and self-esteem.
Self-esteem often fluctuates because it is closely tied to external factors and achievements, such as recognition at work or compliments from others. This can lead to temporary boosts in how we feel about ourselves, which may not reflect our underlying sense of self-worth.
These temporary highs in self-esteem can leave individuals with low-self-worth in a cycle of constantly seeking external validation, leading to behaviours such as people-pleasing or overworking, which ultimately sacrifice personal well-being.
In contrast, healthy self-worth provides a resilient foundation that remains stable despite external circumstances. For example, even if a job loss or other setbacks temporarily impact our self-esteem, a strong internal sense of self-worth ensures we have resources like self-compassion to fall back on.
This intrinsic value helps us bounce back from life’s challenges, supporting a healthier, more balanced emotional life. Thus, while it’s possible to experience low self-esteem, having a healthy self-worth means we are better equipped to handle such fluctuations without losing our core sense of value and self-respect.
Steps to Cultivate A Healthy Self-Worth
Understanding Oneself: The Foundation of Healthy Self-Worth
The journey to fostering healthy self-worth begins with understanding oneself. This principle, often seen as the beginning of all wisdom, is pivotal in personal development.
Carl Jung profoundly stated, “The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you.” This emphasises the importance of self-knowledge—not just as a means of identity but as a shield against the external pressures to conform to what others believe we should be.
Embarking on this journey of self-discovery can be challenging, particularly for those of us with painful pasts and deep-seated wounds. The process of healing these wounds is integral to truly knowing and embracing who we are. It requires courage to confront and work through our past experiences, but the transformation it brings is profound. Healing allows us to break free from the narratives imposed by others and by our own earlier misconceptions.
This transformative journey equips us with the ability to not only understand our values, desires, and dreams but also to recognise and overcome the limitations and biases that have shaped us.
As we heal and grow, we cultivate a self-worth that is based on an authentic self-understanding and acceptance. This makes us more resilient to external judgments and better able to live in alignment with our true selves, enhancing both our personal and professional lives.
Once we do the healing, we are able to seek validation and approval from within rather than relying on external sources. This internal validation is the key to maintaining a stable and robust sense of self-worth, freeing us from the cycle of seeking external affirmation and allowing us to navigate life with greater confidence and authenticity.
Embracing Self-Compassion: Compassion involves sensitivity to the suffering of oneself and a commitment to alleviating it. As humans, we will inevitably face hardships and hurts; losses and grief. Being able to extend care and nurture to our hurts and pains, and actively seeking to not make things worse for ourselves, really helps us feel worthy.
Separating Achievements and Actions from Identity: Learning to detach our worth from our actions and achievements is crucial. Society often ties our value to specific successes—like fame, money, or an admirable physique. However, our true worth is independent of these external validations. Understanding this helps us appreciate our intrinsic value beyond societal measures.
Build Healthy Connections and Avoid Comparisons: As inherently social beings, we need connections to thrive. In the past, comparisons might have helped our ancestors by setting benchmarks for behaviours and status, which were crucial for survival.
However, in today’s world, such comparisons are often harmful, leading to feelings of inadequacy and shame. With billions of people on the planet, each with unique backgrounds and life stories, comparing ourselves to others is not only unrealistic but also counterproductive.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is different, and we each progress at our own pace and on our own path. Embracing this truth helps us appreciate our own experiences and fosters genuine connections free from the shadows of comparison.
Conclusion
In understanding self-perception, distinguishing between self-esteem and self-worth reveals nuanced differences that influence when and how these two aspects of our inner selves manifest. These distinctions are integral to understanding their impact on emotional stability and overall quality of life.
Low self-worth parallels feelings similar to shame, rooted in deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness or being fundamentally flawed. In contrast, self-esteem responds to momentary events and how we perceive them. The deep-seated beliefs underpinning low self-worth are often old, enduring, and difficult to change without adequate support. This complexity makes addressing self-worth issues more challenging than boosting self-esteem, as external achievements and validation may enhance self-esteem but do little to alter fundamental feelings of unworthiness.
Self-esteem’s vulnerability to internal and external factors renders it fragile. Many factors affecting self-esteem change frequently and are beyond our control. Without a robust foundation of self-worth to fall back on, the inherent ups and downs of life can take a considerable emotional toll, leading to moodiness, defensiveness, and the pursuit of external validation.
The journey to improving self-worth is, indeed, a transformative path that fosters lasting benefits. As you navigate the intricate realm of self-perception, consider these steps.
